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My friends keep telling me that there is a Lady in town who doesn't like me. I've never spoken to her or had any dealings with her yet people keep coming up to me and telling me how much she hates me! I don't know what I've done wrong and think I should confront her but I'm afraid. Should I ask her why she hates me so much?
Horribly Hated, Who Knew?
Dear Hated,
You poor, poor thing! If I had a shoe for each time I have had a person become inexplicably angry with me for no reason, I would need a third home just for storing them. Yes, confront her. It's the only way you will find out why she's angry with you. She likely has you confused with somebody else entirely.
Sadly, if your name is Emerald-something, Heals-this or Killa-that, you'll probably be in for a lot of these sorts of relationships.
I was walking through Solhaven the other day when a little old lady told me I should write to my mother. My mother is dead! What was she talking about? How could she be so heartless?
Saddened by Septagenarians
Dear Saddened,
Do not take her words to heart, Saddened. She says these things to everyone. She does not know you personally and is not trying to make you feel badly. She herself does not get letters from her own children and doesn't want to see other mothers in her position.
Use her gentle reminder to your advantage. Contact another of your family, write to them. If you've no one to write to, write to the little old lady. She'd love a letter.
I am but a young elven lass with very few silvers to my name. I watch the people who pass me on the street and they are all dressed in such finery! I don't know where I could buy such clothes and doubt I could afford it even if I knew where to look! Is there hope for my fashion nightmare?
Fashionably Flustered
Dear Flustered,
Fear not, fair reader! Every dressing distressed damsel gets her wardrobe one day! We all came to town with the barest essentials, with but a belt pouch to hide behind, and we all end up dressing as fabulously (or horribly) as we wish or allow ourselves. Save your coins and you will look every bit the lady in no time at all. However, I might recommend marrying into money, if you do not wish to subject your manicure to the wear and tear of the hunt.
I was listening to a bard singing to some rocks in his hand the other morning. Suddenly he leaped up and started dancing around, all the while screaming "I found one! I found one! I'm rich!" Whatever did he find?
Befuddeled by Boisterous Ballerina Bards
Dear Befuddled,
You do not know many bards, do you? We sing to stones and gems quite often, most evident by our often broken hands and shards of gems in our hair. A truly abnormal feat would be a bard that was not singing and leaping about, dancing in joy. We of the bardic arts sing and dance all the time! It's fun, it's our trade, it's who we are. What I'm dying to know is if he used the horrid "Hand Land" rhyme to make his discovery.
Our streets here in The Landing have been so clean lately! Where did all the trash go? I was looking for a box to put a present in and usually I trip over them all day long… this time I couldn't find one anywhere! What happened?
Bring me Boxes!
Dear Boxes,
I am truly amazed by some of the inane questions people will send to me. For Koar's sake, go to the General Store and BUY ONE!
I want to write for the Elanthian Times but I can never think of a good topic to write about! Any suggestions?
Aspiring Author
Dear Author,
We at the Elanthian Times are seeking all manner of article. I would suggest reviewing our Submissions area in this issue for more information. If you've a telling tale to tell, we'd love to see it! Our gossip columns are carrying an inch of dust these days. As a matter of fact, the most recent gossip we have references Lord High Priest Bleeds at a house of ill repute, and his extensive debts there. Give us good gossip! Is it too much for a woman to ask for good, wholesome rumors?