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As always, I am pleased to answer your pressing questions. Please direct your correspondence to ylena@ylena.com, and do have a lovely day!
After your recommendations last season I dyed my entire wardrobe a deep shade of puce, but now everyone is wearing pastels. What should I do?
Perfectly Perplexed in Puce
Dear Perplexed,
Are you positive I recommended puce? That's simply absurd! I wouldn't wish puce on the krolvin!
My husband is a Luukos worshipper and he is constantly trekking the blood of infidels into our home on his boots. What can I do to save our carpets?
Irked by Ichor
Dear Irked,
Sadly, in this day and age, we (or the hired help) have so few measures to take against the onslaught of unsavory stains. I assume you want to keep your snake loving significant, so the only other practical alternative I see would be to get new carpetting to match the blood. Our beloved Silvergate concierge suggests a vigorous scrubbing with cold water, then blot the area with a dry cloth.
Avoid marble floors while you are with your Luukosian friend as tragic slipping accidents could occur.
I've fallen in love with a warrior and I think he loves me too, but every time he bashes boxes over his head he forgets my name. How can I convince him that I'm more important than head splinters?
Beauty Bothered by Bashing
Dear Beauty,
This is a blessing in disguise! His bashing endeavors are obviously the perfect time to borrow some coins for a day of shopping. Buy yourself a nice gown, some simple shoes, perhaps a nice pendant. Slip out of the confines of that brigandine and into something silky. Charm those trunks from his hands and give him something he will not soon forget!
The other day while hunting kobolds in the village, another hunter ran in, killed the kobold I had been trying to kill, then ran out again! He did this five times before I finally asked what he was doing. Instead of answering me, he swung his blade at my head! What did I do to this person?
Perpetually Poached, Probably
Dear Poached,
I would venture to guess that you did nothing at all to this barbarian of a hunter. Unfortunately, many people have a lacking in manners and fashion these days, but the former can prove fatal if you forget to duck. Perhaps another hunting ground is in order? The Kobold Village smells horrendous! This heathenous hunter may be the best thing to happen to you if he is what it takes to lift you from that awful place.
My husband and I have been married for two years. But every evening he goes to sleep in our house in Wehnimer's Landing....and when I wake up the next morning he is gone! I keep finding him all the way in Icemule! This has been going on for weeks and when I ask him he has no excuse why he has travelled so far. Could he be having an affair?
Sleeping in Solitude
Dear Sleeping,
Have you asked to go with him? He very well may be having an affair, but the truth may be as simple as a penchant for freshly baked tarts. Have you ruled out sleepwalking? Somnambulistic tendencies may be why he has no excuse for his actions, but if you suspect ulterior motives you may need to follow him to Icemule to uncover them.
White furs and velvet in subtle blue are a girl's best friend for covert excursions through ice and snow.
I know of a lovely node where I have always rested. The people there have always been friendly and helpful. But lately new people have been coming to this resting spot and picking fights with everyone in sight! Last night a man murdered one of my best friends because he dared to talk back to them! What can I do?
Dashing Defiant in Danjirland
Dear Defiant,
Take great care when wading through the testosterone soaked fields of opressive, violent behavior. If your heart's set on resisting these ruffians, your best weapon is not in your right hand, it's in your head. A well-placed dagger might puncture a man's throat, but it's the well-said word that can deflate his over-active ego.
Keep your head up, Defiant, except when a claidhmore is heading toward it.