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Page 2 of 3
Seven Inch
Ranger
by Alyssea
Gothaina
Well, I'm a seven inch ranger, how
do you be?
And I'm used to people gawking and a-starin at me
But I wasn't always so Gaul-darned wee
Let me tell you my story, you can listen for free"
For seven long years... A year for
every inch I stand
I traveled small and lonely through the byways of this ancient
land
Like a country-western Lilliputian too afraid to stop
I'm at the bottom of the food chain, whereas I once was at the
top"
I wandered on foot-my horse had
done abandoned me
And every town I came to's like a terrible dream
The other rangers mocked me and spit tobacco like meteors
Watchin me dodge em and laughin at my small squeaky scream.
And I'm a seven-inch ranger, with
a tiny pair of crossbows
5 will getcha 10, I betcha never seen one."
As you can imagine, I'd grown
pretty bitter
Although that's the only way in which I'd grown
And in my seventh year I finally found my transgressor
The man who had shrunk me, the worst fiend I'd even known
The mad wizard Mentley was his
name and I drew near
I hopped up on his shoulder and I grabbed him by the ear
I held my lil crossbows up and I told him:"Lookie
here."
"You made me this way, now it's time to pay you Gaul-darned
flee'r.
And the wizard said:"Wait!
Wait!"
"Well you know me, and I know you"
"And you know that strange experiments are just what I
do"
"It's less like a pastime, and more like a job"
"Why if I didn't do it, I'd be an unemployed slob!"
Well I know this wont suffice if
I'm to set you at ease"
"But I'm thinkin as fast as I can for a man who's down on
his knees"
"And just this passing moment I had a thought, here's what I
thunk"
"I thought, where would you be today if you hadn't been
shrunk?""
Just another nameless ranger, a
mediocre bumpkin"
"Riding in the sunset, skin burnt the color of a
pumpkin"
"Reviled by the ladies, ridiculed by other man"
"Nothing to set you apart nor would there ever have been
Then I came along, yes ME, the
wizard Mentley"
"I gave you a gift, though you weren't grateful
evidently"
"I plucked you from your average status, I made you
unique"
"You're a seven inch ranger, not a six foot
freak!""
From every corner of the lands,
folks will come to adore you"
"Nations will bow, and throw their riches before you"
"You'd be diminutive in stature, but a titan inside!"
"Because I, your true friend, chose to stand by your
side""
Now I cogitated on the words the
wizard Mentley shared
And I wonder if perhaps he only said em cause he was scared
My crossbows were weighin heavy in my hands, my heart was low
When suddenly some old advice came to me soft and slow."
Well my pop told me it don't
matter where a fellow goes
He can sail through icy straits and misty archipelagos
Travel to the moon, orbit every star.
Size don't really count and there you are
You're still a man however big you are"
And I'm a seven-inch ranger, with
a tiny pair of crossbows
Five will getcha ten, I betcha never seen one."