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Into the Breach
by Chutnee BornOdepression

Life, that great miracle, may be much more than we know,
Yet remain in truth much less than we ever can reach,
Divided aft into those who do passively grow,
And those who learn by charging headfirst into the breach.

Being bound by the tenets of Ivas has always meant being unbound with regard to certain other conventions. So let me begin this tale by admitting that my rules of conduct may not conform to those of many, but I have always been myself "true" to those rules of conduct.

I also must begin this tale with the assumption the reader knows something of the Council of Ten in IceMule Trace. I will summarize this quickly by saying the Ten were halfling wizards who followed Luukos and wound up turning against the citizens of the town in defense of a certain serpent messenger who was killed by the eldest son of Talbot Dabbings, Talvon. As sentence for their perfidy, they were entombed alive within the mausoleum of Talbot Dabbings. Well, nine of them were. One of the Council of Ten named Thurfel was not so entombed. Whether he escaped during the ruckus or slipped out before the ruckus even started has never been clear, but free he has always been... most unfortunately for IceMule.

And that the relationship of my mother, Lady Iscikella, to what is now referred to as the "relic of Luukos" or the "heart of Amasalen" is also known to the reader of this tale, I must as well assume. Again I will summarize quickly and say long ago my mother came across a "portal" in the caverns under the well in IceMule which transported her to an odd room. In that room apparently was much evidence of humanoid sacrifice, and an altarstone bearing a fist-sized purple stone, irregular in shape, the relic. My mother, according to the tale she has told often to many, picked up the stone in ignorance, thinking it some form of treasure, and was then assaulted by a voice which thundered through the caverns saying, "Iscikella, I am come to claim your soul." And the stone "pulsed like a living thing" within her hand and then burned her in some way causing her to drop it.

The voice in the caverns my mother, with much reason, now believes to have been that of Amasalen. Much happened after with regard to this purple stone, but I will leave that tale to her and simply say in the end she was advised by Lumnis to return the relic to the altarstone by the cryptic message, "To restore the balance, restore the order." (Such began my mother's determined quest for balance, ever balance, in this world.) She did manage to return the stone after a rather harrowing experience, and the portal apparently imploded upon itself and has never been seen since. Ah, but my mother's tie to the relic never so disappeared, and that is the crux of this tale.

About eighteen months ago, perhaps a bit longer -- I did not reside in IceMule then and so don't really recall accurately, Thurfel made a rather spectacular appearance in that town of snow and ice. He forwarded himself as one of the Council of Ten, regaled several with charges of trespassing into one of the then two working workshops in town -- referring to it as his "house", showed a "deed" supposedly handing the town over to Luukos, and then proceeded to burn much of the town with firestorms. Evidence of those fires, which the residents resourcefully put out with endless cups of tea, still remains to this day. It was also during this rampage that Thurfel first attempted to open the mausoleum of Talbot Dabbings, presumably at that time to free the other nine of the Council. Of the twelve seals on the tomb -- six physical, six magical -- the six physical succumbed to this halfling mage's "hands of fire". Yet the magical seals remained untouched, and Thurfel, at that moment I suppose, began to realize a task much bigger than he had imagined lay before him to open Talbot's tomb successfully. He disappeared in a column of fire to only-the-Arkati-know-where for many, many months.

Perhaps nine months ago it began to be rumored that Thurfel would seek the relic to open the tomb of Dabbings. This rumor had its foundation in a intriguing narrative reported to my mother regarding visions of a "dark gate" and Luukos himself handing the relic over to members of the Council of Ten as a sign of favor. The story was said to be of the past, but perhaps in honesty it is of the future. The teller was very vague and initially forwarded the tale to my mother only after insisting it be revealed to her in the Hall of Mind. "For I must speak of difficult things," this messenger asserted to her, "and you will need the comfort."

Whether of past or future, or whether some allegory not yet understood, many prominent followers of Luukos got wind of that tale and began looking forward to the moment when Thurfel would avenge the death of the serpent messenger by releasing the havoc of the now-undead nine of the Council upon the town of IceMule Trace. And because the relic seemed to be a factor in this coming to pass, my mother became viewed by them as a "link" to what was needed for Luukos' vengeance to be fulfilled. Accounts of the relic's power are legend, the most known one that it increases the abilities of the possessor, in particular the magical abilities, threefold. To the majority that might not seem grandiose, but to one already possessing the magical know-how of Thurfel, well... the destruction which could be wrought in such hands through the auspices of such a talisman is indeed frightening.

But perhaps more germane to my tale specifically is the legend of the relic "devouring souls" to maintain its power. If a soul is claimed for the relic, the story goes, no other soul can be "devoured" until that one has been. And my mother's soul, so the thought now is, was so claimed for the relic... by Amasalen. Lumnis intervened and thus her soul remained her own, but the relic because of this is now at less than full power many say. Something of a predicament for those of Luukos mayhap.

I offer none of this as absolute fact, but merely as introduction into my own part in this sensitive situation. Truth is I am an outsider who never expected to be involved in any of my mother's struggles for balance. She and I do not agree on much. And I myself hold fast to the principles of Lornon and feel whatever can be used to forward yer own self-interest to be always the most favorable course. The "selfless", "righteous" (please forgive my sarcasm) approach of those who lean toward the principles of Liabo has never encumbered me and never will.

One of the chief protagonists in this thankfully limited struggle between "light" and "dark" is a well-known follower of Luukos named Armaxis. After a rather intriguing game of "cat and mouse" with my mother for several months, he proceeded to sacrifice her to the serpent for the sins of heresy and blasphemy stemming from a commune she attempted calling together Lumnis, Ronan, Luukos and Amasalen, and then himself raised her through holy symbol in the name of his god. This forced resurrection imbued her with the essence of the serpent through the sharing of some of Armaxis' own spirit, a dire result from my mother's viewpoint.

This result was of what she was attempting to free herself when she first met Vazridth. He forwarded himself as a fellow follower of Lumnis. He finagled his way into her confidence at a point when she felt very bereft. My father, Lord Blizzerdd, a follower of Mularos whose sanity has always rested on a fine edge, seemingly had had that sanity slit upon that edge with my mother's sacrificing and gone quite mad. In many ways I suppose my mother felt she had no one to whom she could turn for support during this period of her life because of this. I don't pretend to understand her mind. But, for whatever reason, Vazridth became her "touchstone", the person on whom she counted for guidance.

I don't know all of what happened during the duration of this dependence of my mother, but I do know Vazridth often offered her "strange" advice for a supposed follower of Lumnis. Many noticed this. She did not. Thus when Vazridth was publicly revealed at my mother's cleansing ceremony to be in actuality a Luukosian spy, I imagine she was as devastated as she indeed appeared to be. This was the point when she almost submitted to Amasalen, but in the end the young follower of Ronan, Ilvane, dissuaded her from doing this. However, the cleansing ceremony failed to rid her of Luukos' essence (Armaxis had always insisted it could not do so, as had Vazridth even when proclaiming himself of Lumnis), and she was left to struggle with the battle in her own soul of this essence with her own extreme devotion to Lumnis. Again Vazridth entered the picture and, though I know no details of what went on, I believe was at this point he first proclaimed to my mother his "love" for her.

I imagine it difficult for anyone under stress to reject offers of loving comfort. I honestly don't know all the twists of my mother's relationship with Vazridth, but I can say with certainty as a follower of Ivas that he did indeed at the very least desire her. I could see this plainly. Apparently so could my father, who killed him twice in absolute aggravation. Yet each time Luukos saw fit to return Vazridth to this world. At this point, however, fate intervened in a curious occurrence in the caverns whereby another follower of Lumnis, named Dapplecloud, died of bloodloss while a follower of Amasalen, who had pledged the blood of Ilvane to her god as punishment for her interference in dissuading my mother from pledging herself with death to The Executioner, failed in her attempt to ritually murder the young follower of Ronan. Vazridth was very prominently in attendance during Dapplecloud's demise, the only being so in attendance, and my mother blamed him for Dapplecloud's death, which she saw as Amasalen taking blood in payment for what he had been denied. Vazridth became outraged at this accusation and "turned" from my mother, promising she would pay dearly for so hurting him. And here indeed is where my personal story begins.

Vazridth threatened my mother with vague references about the necessity of keeping "an eye on she of less than full sylvan blood." The "she of less than full sylvan blood" is, of course, me. As my father is half-elf, I am but three-quarter sylph, a fact which has always caused me much regret, but fact it nonetheless is. This sly follower of the serpent began to try to "woo" me; a turn in events I found incredibly amusing since his sheer unsatisfied want for my mother was visible in his face and his body language every time her name was so much as mentioned. Yet Vazridth can be very charming and, being myself of Ivas, I was not above titillating him, exciting him by being so close to she he desired and yet not close enough to actually be her. It was a game, a game of "tease and taunt". And it soon became apparent my mother's once offhand remark regarding Vazridth being "hot-blooded for a snake" was true to the utmost.

The rather ironic liaison between Vazridth and myself continued steamily for a little over a month, always just skirting the edge of undeniably entering the realms of full-fledged affair. Until one night when Vazridth seemingly decided full "fledging" of that "hatchling" seduction going on between us was indeed what he craved. And that night, even as a devotee of Ivas, I must avow one of the most intense I have ever experienced. I will simply say that his demands upon my body were many and all blurred with the mists of ecstasy. Yet was there still "oddness" in the moment. At one point he bit my neck hard enough to draw blood, not in itself odd for someone caught fast in the throes of wild passion, but that he then spat that blood of mine he had taken within his mouth into a small vial he carried on his person was odd in the extreme. He also lopped off a lock of my hair with his dagger saying he wanted it as a memento since he could never permit himself this particular pleasure again because he had recently become betrothed to the she-witch of Amasalen known as Bablistia.

I suppose all this should have put me on my guard, but I was not myself, at this precise point, thinking any too clearly. Appetite of the flesh does tend to override caution of the mind at such junctures. But what did indeed make me uncomfortable was when, at the exact instant of completion of union between us, his eyes went noticeably slit as Vazridth pressed hard against my abdomen the symbol of his god he, like many of the clerical profession, wears suspended on a long chain round his neck. I felt a definite burning sensation as it touched my body. I cannot explain it better than that, yet was it distinctly more disquieting than merely that.

When he at last pulled away from me, his attitude underwent a marked change. He stated flatly, "Understand you will bear this child, but once it is born, I will take the babe to properly raise with my wife Bablistia."

I blinked at him. "Child?" I questioned. "And what makes ye think one of Ivas will willingly bear any child?"

"You have no choice," he mocked me, "it is done. Everything was planned, woman, all signs consulted, from the particular cycle of the moons you follow to the most favorable position of the stars."

"For a follower of Ivas there is always choice," I scoffed at him.

"No choice," he stated flatly as he held that small vial of my blood in front of my face. "A child of the blood of Iscikella and a follower of Luukos will be born to you, Ivasian," he made known as if it was the decree of an Arkati. And his eyes at that moment were lit with such a searing green fire of sheer fanaticism, I felt my very soul tremble under their gaze. I suppose to be devoted to a god who is in fact of death, such fanaticism is essential. Following myself one so much associated with the pleasures of living flesh, I can but surmise this. It is said the snakes are very organized in their efforts here in IceMule. I cannot say. Yet I can say they seem to have the knack of using to their purpose whoever of their faith best suits the situation currently at hand. Such was obviously the case with Vazridth being the one to "confront" me. He has not the usual cold demeanor of Luukosians and they knew that would appeal to one of Ivas. He has a craving for my mother's flesh I could sense plainly and which of course "challenged" the Ivasian in me. He is possessed of good looks, and does have charm, when he chooses to employ it. And he is not unversed in the arts of the flesh.

I kept insisting I would "rid" myself of this complication as I had of others before and as Ivas dictates. Vazridth was not in the least concerned with such threats. "I have no doubt you will try and I also have no doubt you will fail," were his last words to me before slamming out of my bungalow with a self-satisfied smirk on his face.

Of course I was determined to try. By the tentacles of Ivas, why do I even say merely try? I was determined to succeed! With this firmly in mind, I awaited anxiously the proper conjunction of the moons of Lornon and Liabo which produces best results when harvesting the mandrake root. At the appointed hour of the most favorable night, I went out into the woods and dug with a bloodied dagger around the mandrake, chanting the verses of repudiation of new life those of Ivas have recited in such ritual for many ages past. I then plucked the root carefully from the ground and returned with it to my bungalow. I baited Vazridth in private thought that the moment of my deliverance was nigh, and he came to my bungalow to remind me the desired end could not and would not be achieved. I simply ignored him and did as those of Ivas have always done in such predicaments. And then the total and mind-numbing shock... no blood. Not a drop.

"I warned you, Ivasian," Vazridth hissed at me. "You understand not the curses of the blood Bablistia invokes."

Now I was hysterical. The ways of my goddess were being denied me. I was babbling on the net as I recall and Odevalis, a good friend, came to aid me, as did several others of my mother's circle against the snakes, and Lady Kadesha, who at that time was waging her own battle against the essence of Luukos, though she had willingly submitted herself to it. I explained the circumstances to Ode and she was all concern and comfort. The others meanwhile were all challenging Vazridth, and he was defending himself with lies about this "accident of conception" not being something he had wanted either but that he would protect his unborn child and had every right to do so. I just stared at him. Such boldfaced lies were startling and he mouthed them so convincingly. I don't think anyone in that room so much as had an inkling he had calculated every detail of this "accident of conception".

Livid with anger at the curse itself, as well as having to listen to Vazridth's skewed version of the truth, I reminded him there were other ways I could "handle" the situation. His eyes went slit, a warning sign I recognized now, and he spat at me, "Try any of them, Chutnee, and this pregnancy will cost you more than just a few months' discomfort. Those of death know well how to make living flesh seem of death. How then will you serve your goddess?" he tormented as he took from his satchel that lock of my hair he had cut and twirled it idly about his finger.

Suddenly what had been merely an annoyance and nuisance was turned into an actual crisis. I was being threatened with the complete loss of the very basis of my life as I knew it and as I wished to live it, and such was simply intolerable to me. My goddess is as well a jealous goddess who does not brook such interference, but the truth was I had nothing with which to bargain in her behalf. At this point rescue came from an unexpected source, Lady Kadesha.

Still waging her own battle with the snakes, she was more than willing to cause them some inconvenience, yet she had not the spiritual strength to ward off the Luukosians' abilities to "bring up the serpent's essence" in her. She earnestly wished to aid me, however, and asked me if perhaps Ivas would be willing to supply her a "temporary warding" against the power of Luukos to do it. I prayed to my goddess and watched green smoke from the lamp at her altar rise slowly to the heavens. Yes, her answer was yes. Though she would not interfere in any permanent way with Luukos' rightful sway over the soul of Kadesha, she would do so once for a particular purpose. Luukos is her lover and she has certain prerogative with him, of course. The temporary warding Ivas provided Kadesha at a moment when Vazridth assumed he was "calling forth the essence" in her allowed Kadesha to cut off one of his braids. This she proudly presented to me to do with as I would in my goddess' behalf.

With this powerful bit of persuasion in my own hand, I went to Vazridth at his own god's altar. I told him how my goddess too had her will and her wishes, and how his attempt to make one of hers useless in service to her was not something she would regard lightly. I questioned him nonchalantly him about his future bride, and he glared and responded that he and Bablistia were joined in blood and that my goddess had no sway over such things. I taunted back, "My goddess' sway lies in other fluids, so yer skinny little cadaver of a bride may have yer blood, but it is all she will have, snake." The realization of the nature of the curse to which he could be subjected by my goddess through me and the physical bit of his being held within the braid of his hair in my possession made him pale. At that point he agreed at last to bargain with me.

The pact we struck was straightforward and agreed upon quickly. I would carry his child only until such time as the infant was viable enough to be cut from my body and survive outside my womb. An empath of my choice would perform this cutting. After this no further meddling in my existence would come from the ranks of the Luukosians. I would not curse Vazridth and he would not curse me. We returned the hair we each held to the rightful owner and the deal was sealed.

Yet life is rarely obliging, and the infant I carry -- whom I at that time referred to bluntly as "the whelp" -- was causing me serious problems. I was too sick to eat, my stomach retching at the mere sight or smell of food. The babe was in constant motion and I was unable to sleep due to its restlessness. I had chosen Odevalis -- a fellow Ivasian though one who sees my goddess in a more benevolent light than most of her followers -- as my empath, and her first examination of me was rather upsetting to all involved. The baby she conceded to be "growing much faster than was natural" though my belly was growing barely at all, a most disturbing phenomenon she could not explain. And to add to the distress of the situation, Vazridth began chiding me for not eating properly and not sleeping, saying I was trying to harm the infant with such detrimental practices.

Vazridth definitely has a temper and it was not long before he was in a thoroughly enraged state. He brought Nevrek with him the next time he came to the Hall of Wounded Heart where Ode was checking me out, and Nevrek proceeded to proclaim how he would himself be cutting the child from my body and that I would at such time be offered as sacrifice to Luukos. This was not in any way part of the bargain and my temper is known to flare as well. The scene that night in the Hall of Wounded Heart was a battleground of furious demands and counter-demands. In the end Ode, with a definite softness of heart which could cost her dear, said she would kill the infant herself before letting anyone kill me to get to it, and offered herself as sacrifice in my stead. Nevrek accepted her offer as I fumed. I spat at Vazridth that I would then never eat or sleep and let the infant die unborn. He responded in turn that the pact was therefore null and void and Odevalis would be sacrificed to the serpent before my eyes just prior to Nevrek cutting the child from me and making of me a sacrifice as well.

Things were at an impasse. Days went by while I tried to come up with an effective plan of action, until suddenly aid was garnered from yet another unexpected source -- Armaxis. Armaxis, who has been to me at least the most reasonable of all the snakes, spoke with me calmly, saying the original bargain would stand if I would but "see to the welfare of the unborn" with proper care. I explained to him how I was often ill, and how the movement of the babe -- movement which even an empath labeled as most excessive -- made it impossible for me to sleep much. Armaxis responded by suggesting I let him perform a ritual on me to "calm the unborn". Since he had treated me as an equal of Lornon and not a vessel to be abused at will, I concurred. The ritual he performed was actually soothing to me, and it definitely did soothe the child within me. I have no idea why this is so. The words spoken were arcane and little more was done than a laying of hands upon my abdomen, though the sigils Armaxis bears upon those hands of his did writhe with power as this was done.

I know many remind me of what Armaxis did to my mother to show cause why I should not trust him, but I do not find such arguments valid. My mother the snakes view as one of followers of the opposing Liabo viewpoint, and yet one who they may require to fulfill the promise of the relic and thus whose stubborn adherence to the concept of balance may cost them dear. I am of Lornon and my viewpoint is much the same as theirs. I understand the right of vengeance. My goddess has and does often employ her own means to such end. That this child I carry seems of some particular importance to those of Luukos I do not deny, nor do I pretend to know the reason for same. In truth such reason matters little to me, as long as I am permitted to retain my own way of life. I do know it was Armaxis who somehow managed to blunt the edge of Vazridth's temper and thus was the reason Vazridth came to me to pledge the terms of the original agreement would stand and to ask I not shut him out of my life while I held his child within the sphere of my body.

To this last request I assented, and Vazridth became from that moment very solicitous of my comfort and well-being. Is he who suggested I try foregoing meat for vegetables and fruits to see if such might lessen the effect of the sickness I continue to experience. Is he who uses certain rituals to "relax and quiet" the infant within me, thus allowing me to sleep a full night. These rituals have in themselves become the cause of much controversy. They have varied from placing me upon Luukos' altar in the temple while hands are laid upon me and prayers incanted, to the positioning of dozens of green stones upon my abdomen, to a tranquilizing incense composed of acantha leaf and Vazridth's own hair set burning within my bungalow. I do not pretend to understand their meaning, but their result has always been obvious -- a definite calming of the ever-restless infant within me.

And it is also Vazridth who has made it possible for me to continue my service to Ivas during this difficult period, and Vazridth who caused me to stop seeing this child as simply "the snake whelp". One night he pointedly mentioned that the infant was not "some demon", but was simply "half-sylvan and half-human". Such put me in mind of my own less-than-pure sylvan blood, and of the pain of having to leave community because of that less-than-pure blood. From that moment on I began to see this babe as the lonely being it undoubtedly will be. To be of neither one race nor another and yet of both is never an easy reality with which to live. I pity this child its entrance into a world where its heritage is never to be fully accepted by any race.

Yet my acceptance of this infant as truly a being in its own right has made me wish to insure that he or she is granted the safest passage into life possible. I decided to consult with Odevalis about the possibility of bearing this child to term only shortly ago. And was at this time that the cause behind all my pain with this babe became clearer. Odevalis has determined it lies outside the womb and that is the root of the problems. This revelation did result in another storm as Vazridth put together certain facts and determined the reason the child does so lay outside my womb was caused by the incident with the mandrake root early on in the pregnancy. Odevalis, like the true friend she is and ever has been, tried to safeguard me from another overwrought scene with Vazridth by denying this as the cause. Yet in her face and her eyes I saw the truth. I thanked her privately for trying so to protect me, but the reality is there and cannot be negated. The problems I have encountered with this pregnancy are in truth mostly of my own making.

Ode has pledged herself to following my wishes in attempting to get me through this pregnancy in its entirety so that this infant may be given the surest chance at life. Vazridth has openly declared to me he does not trust Odevalis because of that statement she once made regarding killing the child. He is concerned she will use her empathic knowledge to skillfully destroy any hope of this infant's survival, but my faith in Ode is boundless. Vazridth and the other snakes still want the cutting to go as initially planned, but if a few months more inside my body will make life more certain for this babe, I do not see why they should object.

This decision on my part does not imply that I in any way see myself as a mother. Truth is I simply do not. Vazridth has offered me several options for staying part of the life of this child after it is born, but I truly do not know if I will avail myself of any of them. And if Vazridth, whose devotion to this child has been evident from the beginning no matter what else was in doubt, believes his little she-witch of a wife-to-be can raise this child with the love of a mother, I do not in any way object to her doing so. I know those of my own mother's Liabo circle insist this cannot happen and will not happen, that they will "place the child in the hands of Lorminstra" rather than have it raised to Luukos. Such rigidly "righteous" grandstanding I find reprehensible.

In honesty all have to admit there is no choice more desirable than life itself. In fact I would venture to say it is, in all justice, the only choice.

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