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Oh, Ylena!
by Lady
Ylena Fygar
Note: Being
known for her singular style and consummate interpersonal
relationship wisdom, Lady Ylena is constantly besieged with
requests for advice from her fellow citizens. If you too have a
problem that you would like her to solve, please slip a note
under her door (ylena@ylena.com) with "Oh, Ylena!" on
the envelope, and sign it with an appropriately tasteful alias.
Oh, Ylena!
I was following a gorgeous young dwarven lass around town (you
should have seen the silky beard on her!) when suddenly she waved
her hand dismissively at me and ran away. How did she do that and
why didn't she stay around?
Drooling over Dwarven Dames
Dear Drooling,
Well, dear, we're able to dismiss our disks now, and the
weedmages can dismiss their vines, so she used this newfound
talent to dismiss you as well. Given that I don't know you very
well, I can't say exactly why she would run from you, but I can
tell you personally that a thin line of drool running from the
corner of your mouth and puddling on the floor would make me run,
too. You might consider using a handkerchief next time.
Oh, Ylena!
The last few days have been positively dreadful! Without all the
screams of items for sale in my head, I'm totally at a loss to
find new items to spend money on. Whatever will I do?
Depressed in Danjirland
Dear Depressed,
You might try rubbing or twisting or turning or pulling your
amulet to see if the clamor of commerce will return to you.
However, you may find that you enjoy the silence. If you're in
dire need of something to do with your cash, you have a few
options. You might find a young person in need of a better
weapon, and give them a present. I've found that gives me a warm
and fuzzy feeling. Alternatively, you could just save for a rainy
day. You never know when you'll need silvers for that special
present for someone special. In fact, Drooling? If you'd waved a
present at her, she might not have been as dismissive..
Oh, Ylena!
I just found out that waving cheese in the Catacombs doesn't
attract rats! What's next - someone telling me that my prized
smooth stone isn't going to help me train faster?
Shattered Sheruvian Slave
Dear Shattered,
Just hold your stone in your left hand tightly and take a few
deep breaths. You'll feel better. Now, the cheese might not
actually attract rats, but wasn't it fun to wave it? People are
such literalists. We need more mysteries.
Oh, Ylena!
I finally made an alteration list, after seventeen years of
trying, only to find out that the merchant wouldn't make me the
gory warblade of death with the hair of a thousand victims
wrapped around the dragonclaw handle that I have longed for. Why,
oh why?
Sullen in Southwest Town Square
Dear Sullen,
Well, dear, merchants do have their standards, and unfortunately
it seems that your heart's desire doesn't conform to them. I can
tell you from bitter personal experience that sometimes what you
want just isn't possible. My best advice to you is to have a list
of many things that you want, and be ready to compromise. Keep in
mind that what you want changes over time, as well. Simple ideas
are usually the best, and will work well with other items.
Oh, Ylena!
I'm so lost. I just got here, and I don't know where anything is,
or who anyone is, or how I'm supposed to make money, or anything.
Everyone runs around so fast screaming about a thousand things
while I just stand there stupidly. Doesn't anyone ever slow down
to say hello? Y'know, back on the farm, people took a few minutes
to at least say hello and sniff my turnips.
Ernie the Evicted Turnip Farmer
Dear Ernie,
I'm sure the scent of turnips is lovely in the morning. Well,
welcome to Elanthia. No, we don't always stop and say hello when
we should. However, if you're truly muddled about what you should
be doing, you might wander over to Silverwood Manor and ask some
of the people there for advice. I can tell you, though, even
though you might have worn it on the farm, ochre is NEVER a
seasonal color. Avoid it like the plague. In fact, if you brought
any ochre items with you in your exodus from the turnip plains,
you should burn them ritually as if they were plague infected. I
suggest using the burner up by the kobold mines.
Oh, Ylena!
My would-be fiancee and I need you to settle this argument. Is it
true that I should know someone for more that two weeks before I
ask her to wear my engagement ring?
Bewildered before Betrothment
Dear Bewildered,
Well, ideally, yes, but the conventions seem to be waived when
there are a couple of factors involved: the size of her dowry, or
the number of expensive presents you bestow upon her. Good luck,
dear, and remember, she can never be too thin or have too many
gowns.